Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
