im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
