she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
