he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
