return my video game
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
