I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
