remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
