I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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