Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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