actually, I'm a sock model
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
