I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
