Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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