I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
