I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
