I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
