i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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