i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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