Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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