he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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