The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
