I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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