woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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