For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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