When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
