Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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