turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
