I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
