i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
