This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
