Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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