Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
