Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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