you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
3 2 1 whiskey
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
