I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
