just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize