Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Randomize
