He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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