you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
