Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
