she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
