chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
