I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My balls are so social today.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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