I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
