an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
