Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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