Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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