you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
