I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize