I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
