dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize