She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
