you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
