I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
