I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
