Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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