I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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