why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
