they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
