rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
