Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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