Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
