you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
