I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
