before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
