His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
