We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize