wrigley field is MILF paradise
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
