Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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