Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize