My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
