dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
