You can't special order awesome
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
