Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
