We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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