that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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