ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
